do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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