Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
