Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
