you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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