we're chasing vodka with high fives
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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