i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
