I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
