i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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