It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I supernannyed him into submission
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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