ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
