my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
