I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
