bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
