we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize