have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
