sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
