thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
