I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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