drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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