My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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