I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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