11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drake has all the answers
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
