i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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