I'm really into asian looking animals
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
