So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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