I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize