ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
