Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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