I puked a lego.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
