I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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