dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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