I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
