my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
