She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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