The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize