I feel like abortions should bother me more
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
