You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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