did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You ate ashes out of my bong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Help. Why am I so naked?
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