We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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