I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize