And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
