And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
