the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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