Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
