Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
