We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
