It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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