I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
