and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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