Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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