My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
