woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
