do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
