I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The beer is more important than you right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how drunk are you?
Several
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
