the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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