update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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