you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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