i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize