How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
