Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
