just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
