just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
