I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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