We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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