Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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