If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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