Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
