is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
