I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
