I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
