How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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