everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
