why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
