He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
