Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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