the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
