I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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