Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
