If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize