I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
