Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
