Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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