Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize