Can Purell be used as lube?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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