I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
