very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
