This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
