yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
