Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
