Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
