i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
