how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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