i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
