My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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