Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
