ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
