so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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