im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
