she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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