I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
