we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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