i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
