He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
