if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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