are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
