she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
