he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
