Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
