if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
