go do what you do best...puke behind churches
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
