ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize