i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
