If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize