I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is my gift to your gina
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
