i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
