you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize