dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
