I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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