went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
