You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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