You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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