If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if only i could text you this smell
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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