Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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