I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
