I'm jealous of your bromance
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
