Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic

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(704): View more from North Carolina

To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.

(704): View more from North Carolina

Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight

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(410): View more from Maryland

well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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(206): View more from Washington

If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true

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