Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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