I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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