It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
