and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
