Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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