Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
