there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
